Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Ha-Ha-Have you heard?

"I'm glad they invented emoticons, otherwise I wouldn't know what my dad was thinking" – Kerry Godliman

"What do you say to your adopted African child if you want them to eat up their dinner? 'There are people starving in Africa right now, like your parents'" – Tom Stade

"Politicians are like God. No one believes in them, they haven't done anything for ages, and they give jobs to their immediate family" – Andy Zaltzman

"The Scots invented hypnosis, chloroform and the hypodermic syringe. Wouldn't it just be easier to talk to a woman?" – Stephen Brown

"Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache and glasses, I think, 'There's a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him" – Carey Marx

Read the other 45 in The 50 best jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe.

And then . . . The wisdom of Ricky:

* Pol Pot – he rounded up anybody he thought was intellectual and had them executed. And how he decided if someone was intellectual or not was whether they wore glasses. If they're that clever, take them off when they see him coming!

* Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

* Avoid employing unlucky people – throw half of the CVs in the bin without reading them.

* If you treat people with love and respect, they will never guess you're trying to get them sacked.

* If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.

* If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

Gervais's latest gig is a movie called "The Men at the Pru", a "cross between The Office and Mad Men." Should have called it "The Office Mad Men" then. Save us the trouble of thinking.


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